I’m the jealous type……
…… And I’m in love with someone who probably wishes they didn’t have to love me back. That is if he is still capable of loving me at all.
I say the words I love you and he looks at me, showing me all the pain I had put him through over three years, and his response is “I loved you”.
Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Because I’m still here trying to fix all that I messed up in our past. I still have him as one of my first thoughts as I wake up and one of the last before I fall asleep. I’m losing my mind because technically…. I already know he gave up on me. But I still want to show him that “this time it will be different”…. If there is another time.
We barely talk anymore… a message here and there throughout the day but when either of us pick up the phone (which has become a rare occasion) there are little words that can be said. I want to say I love you and show him that I’m not the girl who hurt him. That I’m not the girl who didn’t realize how much I needed to learn to love him back on the same level he loved me. I feel like he’s trying to escape every time we talk. Yet for the first time, we had a semi okay moment and went to lunch (which I was surprised he agreed to).
Once again the reality of the situation was thrown in my face before we even went through the doors…..
He’s (kinda) talking to someone else. If he could see the smile that came across his face while he spoke to her on the phone that I knew he didn’t have with me anymore…. the way he unconsciously avoided saying my name or mentioning that he was with me while he spoke to her…. (more…)