Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Posts tagged ‘growing up’

“That” Girl

I want to be “that” girl.

No, not the one where every guy has banged her and the girls look at her as if she isn’t worth the dirt she walks on.

I mean I want to be that WOMAN.

Anyone can be a friend with benefits or simply a f**k buddy. All you need are the right pieces. I want to be that woman that turns heads in her direction and keeps them there.

I want someone to want to get to know me. Not just explore my body as another voyage accomplished.

I want someone to look at me and say “Wow, that’s a really respectable (beautiful) looking woman, I want to get to know her:”. Not, “I want to get in her pants”

Then again no one looks at me in general.

Why do all of those girls have to be rail thin with perfect breasts and flowing hair with a thigh gap?

Why can’t one of “those” girls be a size 14 who enjoy the idea of reading a book a day and wear dorky glasses and not care about fitting into the Victoria’s Secret collection?

I don’t meet the standard view of beauty. I don’t turn heads.

But I want to….

Why do I have to meet some sex idol looks to have someone say a simple hello to me?

Do you know how degrading that is not just to a woman as a whole but to my self-esteem?

Why fear a woman’s intelligence? Or independence? Or the fact that not every woman is going to look like the women in magazine?! As it is so often stated: NOT EVEN THE WOMEN IN THE MAGAZINE LOOK LIKE THAT!

I just needed to vent. I hurt. Not jut for me but for every woman who is ostracized not only by men looking for the barbie made standards, but the women who put down their peers because they cannot reach the standards of perfection. 


Celibacy After the Teenage Years

It is hard!

At least for me…. I’m in a very strong relationship.

Without sex

It wasn’t always like that, We were very active at one point. So how the hell are you supposed to drop a damn near perfect sex life?

Don’t ask me because I don’t know. I still don’t know how I’m doing it now. I mean honestly think about it, you may still be in that stage “before marriage”, but it has become a loosely enforced moral system more or less. This is no longer a matter of age, it is a matter simply of choice and what you are doing with your sexuality. And for many, it is saving it, or attempting to save what is left of a proper self, for who you want to be your last. I mean honestly, deep in your chest most ladies don’t want to go into a relationship where you can’t keep the list of people you’ve had sex within the count of all of your fingers (and for some your toes). I mean sure, there are some men who search for women who are “experienced”, but who wants the hot dog in an empty hallway effect?

Let’s begin with the beginning of time idea of “saving sex until marriage”:
I mean, it is completely reasonable. There are many (as in damn near the majority of the most known) cultures in which virginity when entering marriage is expected and in most cases required. If you ignore certain degrees in which this came about, it is almost romantic. The first time you receive that sensual touch, that passionate heart-melting kiss, its with that person that you will be spending the rest of your life with. Then again on the other hand where women are treated as property and they must be a “pure” item for their future husband… well that just takes all of the cute out of it.

Anyways…. I’m getting off point. Waaaaaay off point. Whether it be a religious thing or a personal thing, for many it is hard to do. And the later you go into generations, nearly impossible to do. There is this (very sad) general idea that you need to “test the sex filled waters” before you get married to find out what you like. Let me tell you from now, the more you test it, sure, you will indeed know what you like. Yet your expectations will be raised to a state that is simply unreachable. You can date a sex god and you won’t be satisfied because they didn’t do that “special thing” that your last partner did. I guess knowing that little tidbit it may derail you from the whole, testing the waters before hand, but I doubt it will stop that many people completely. Now what if you are (or you think you are) with that person that you do plan on being with for the rest of your life? What then? What healthy and stable person drops sex with their assumed permanent partner completely?

  1. For those working/ in school: pregnancy scares. What can scare anyone more than your future being put in fast forward and on hold at the same time  while getting a new responsibility?
  2. Work/School: If that’s the reason your sex stops, your relationship is very screwed and you should either find time for sex or find a counselor.
  3. An epiphany: Because we all know in a good permanent-ish relationship, you don’t walk away from sex gods.

For the swingers….
Leaving sex is like trying to break a bad habit for those who engage in sex more for the fun rather than having sex in the sense of being in a relationship. The idea of not having sex before marriage is completely shocking for some.  It is a sense of empowerment. What are you supposed to do without not only the entertainment of sex, but how do you subtly express your freaky sexuality without needing to express it in public? Um….. masturbation? In all honesty I don’t know. I have met some very angry and frustrated people on a sexual dry spell. Did I mention angry? But see, the thing is, no one cares what you do with your down south (unless the idea is towards a woman, then people become straight up sexist; that is for another day)
All in all, no one knows where that voluntarily stops. Not bashing, I’ve seen both versions of the book. Without the emotional connection, there is more sex with less commitment. Thus it equals a lot more sex. Yes, I do think that makes sense.

For those who haven’t gotten laid yet:
To some of you I say congrats, you have avoided years upon years of douche bags and peer pressure. To others, those whom are trying to get laid and are failing miserably, at least you have very good patience…. or arm muscles. The frustration only gets worse once you’ve discovered how good sex can get.

So going celibate? Ehhhhh….. your choice. I find that mess hard.  Its harder as you get older because it is more of a choice than a restriction. The mindset becomes, you’re allowed to, so then why aren’t you.


But please do the world a favor, try not to let it drive you publicly crazy. It makes all of us just look awkward.

Love In Youth

I am not saying that love does not exist before a certain age, it may exist in all ages in infinite forms. But….

For the love of all that’s humane, to all the kids in high school and middle school saying that you’ll never fall in love again, or that you’ve found the love of your life and you’ve been dating for three weeks, please shut up and get your head in a book!

At this stage in life, teenagers have yet to get the chance to discover and love themselves first. So how will you love someone else if you don’t know who you are? I can understand if you like them, and even “like, like” them. Yet there are so many cases where it is simply a case of lust. As we grow up we seek attention and a more intimate way to express ourselves. Sex in high school, is not the way to do it. I love how they use the term “Oh, well everyone else is doing it!” Yes, well everyone else is getting knocked up and added to a statistic…. AND THERE ARE GIRLS WHO FIND THIS “ROMANTIC”

What is wrong with these kids? A baby will not make a broken relationship work. Nor will it make a one night hit-it-and-quit-it work either.

Ugh…. this is turning into one of those “wrap it before you tap it first” posts…
And thus it shall be!

Let’s start with that cotton candy and unicorns with rainbows “love” you’re feeling first….
If one of your thoughts is “I have to sleep with said person or they won’t love me anymore”, you are not in love. You are in the mind state called intimate stupidity. It can only be cured with blunt/harsh reality or age. What is wrong with with being attracted to the mind? Learning more about the person you are trying to get with? I am trying to discover where these kids connect the idea of sex with proof of love. Starting your sex count early is nothing to be proud of and wave about like a slutty little flag. In the beginning, sure, you think it is all fun and games. You gain popularity for a bit, but after a while, you become the freak of the week. The one person that everyone can get in bed with. People are no longer looking for you for love, they are looking for a quick hit. So you guys are looking for “love” in all of the wrong places! No, there is no clear definition of love. But it does not have to include sex. Especially at that age. Sex only makes things more complicated. It may seem like a temporary fix. But it is just that, temporary. That person you lose your virginity to (at least for girls), you are connected to that person for a lot longer than you’ll ever want. Even when they leave you because they’ve “had enough of your emotional drama” (aka, your ideas of love). 

Now that you’re knocked up…. That delusional period in which you believe they will come back because since they slept with you, they really do love you
(Insert sarcastic look here)

Well, you are about to be bitch slapped by reality, HARD! Babies are not what makes boys stay. Men sometimes stay and take up responsibility, but in most cases, at that age, you are not dating a man, you are dating a boy. Boys want video games, attention (when they’re not doing something wrong), and sex. I’m not trying to bash on guys, because like I said, there are men (note the word men) in this world who do a great job. Boys have not grown into that recognition of responsibility.

Before I start and get all upset in this section, my question to these young women: What in the world is poisoning your poor little minds to think that these boys will stay because you’re having their baby? HONESTLY!

A baby requires…….

  • Food
  • Diapers
  • Nursing (time AND FOOD)
  • Clothing
  • Bath stuff
  • Crib
  • High Chairs
  • Car seats 
  • strollers
  • Dr. visits
  • Time, time, AND MORE TIME
  • 3am wake-up calls
  • constant attention (as in 24/7, not “oh, my parents can watch the baby while I go hang out with my friends”
  • and a bunch of other stuff both monetary and non-monetary that will leave you in one hell of a pickle if you don’t have it.

That dear readers, is a very small list and leaves out quite a bit. Yet adding up how much that costs for a single week, is painful to the wallet. Most teens, or young adults in their first year of college, are either not working (which is often the case) or working a minimum wage job at the first place that will hire them with their lack of secondary education or job experience. If we (I include myself at this point because I indeed work minimum wage along with work study and work my ass off) can barely pay our phone bills, if you even pay that, what makes you think at a young age, that a baby would be good for your already tender relationship. And I do not want to hear, “Ohhhh, well the person I’m with is perfect and they love me and absolutely nothing could go wrong because we are friggin perfect”, because I will indeed barf at your empty-minded response.

Anyways, back to what I was saying. Guys (especially in high school) tend to believe that even if they get a girl pregnant, the girl is the one who is more responsible. It is an equal responsibility ladies and gents! If you’ve ever watched teen mom, you would see that it is always the girl that is the one who practically loses all of her hopes and dreams except for that of her child, and even then, may even feel regret and disdain towards her child. Maybe teen mom/ 16 and Pregnant was a bad example. In all honesty it is a very skewed view. Being that they are paid for these shows, they at least have a little bit of financial responsibility. Life doesn’t always work like that. If you look at honest statistics, there is a nice level of screwed to those involved in young pregnancies.

There is always the Maury/Jerry Springer response of “It’s not my baby” or “She’s just a hoe”. This happens way too damn often. Where is that love that you were expecting ladies? Where? Women too often become a victim with that. Or if he doesn’t claim that, there is the very famous questions of “are you sure you want to keep it?” indicating either adoption or abortion, either way, it is an attempt to escape this new responsibility. That smile that you had on your face in excitement thinking “Yes, he’s definitely going to stay” dropped of your face faster than weight from a self-conscious model on a water diet. There are so many ways this story can go, but I’ll give you the top three…

Thus… there is option 1: He stays

Okay, so you somehow chose to stay together and think of raising a baby. And through mood swings and many many fights, arguments, disagreements, and things you learn about each other that you are beginning to find revolting and regret, the baby arrives. The first person up at two a.m to a screaming baby? The girl. There are many cases where obviously at that age, wither the guy is not able to stay over or simply you live in two different areas. By the girl being the main care giver, there is no time for school. parties. friends. hell, family, or even trying to catch up on her preferred social network.

Quick test: if you have a sibling, niece, nephew, friend with a baby under the age of three; offer to babysit him/her by yourself for one day. Just one, and try to finish all of your homework at the same time. You are not allowed to use the T.V as a babysitter and you must make sure you fulfill their needs. Tell me how that goes.

With the constant stress of pretty much working alone, because eventually one of you have to work and in many cases (if it happens) its the guy, there will become tension between the two people. And then it will explode. The end. Either way, you fight, realize you weren’t met to be in a permanent relationship, and it ends.

Option 2: He runs for his sad immature life

What happens? The girl is screwed and has even more stress. Maybe if she hasn’t been shunned by her friends and family, she’ll have some back-up. But in a younger age (as in before traditional college graduation) people will not be inviting the girl with the baby to the club every weekend. Not to mention that she most likely wouldn’t be able to afford it paying for a baby solo.

Option 3: The girl does the completely selfish and idiotic thing of giving up her baby to stay with the guy.

*Quick note: I have nothing against adoption and what not. But if it is for selfish reasons other than the fact that one truly and honestly knew deeply in their mind body and soul that they could not keep the baby, that is beyond effed up.

First of all, if a girl is giving up the child that was made between her and the person she was dating (or just sleeping with) just so she could continue her relationship without a hitch, you are a bitch. Yes, I am judging. If you make your bed, you lay in it. Not make it, light it on fire, and then claim it was never your bed in the first place.

What happens when he leaves? She gave up a child for someone who never loved her. Hmmm….. well that’s gotta suck pretty hard.

Anywho…. that was my rant.


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