Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Posts tagged ‘fml’

I Think I Broke My Junk

So for me, It has actually been a good while since any sex was involved in any of my activities. In all honesty, after a few months (maybe weeks, I stopped keeping track) you stop thinking about sex and become nearly robot-like in terms of productivity.

Its not a bad thing! Really! I mean, you can honestly sit with the person you love to bits and piece and tell yourself that you can have a proper conversation with said person and not be thinking about them naked. It is a beautiful thing. You learn a lot about each other aside from what they look like from an inappropriate position and how to describe the birth mark on their ass.

So what happens to the moments where you would have normally been going at it like dolphins (those suckers go at it I tell ya!)?
Well there is always…..

  • Casual conversation
  • working out
  • cooking
  • video games
  • cross word puzzles
  • dirty jokes that would usually lead to something else
  • a great amount of making out that could also lead to something else….

And then a look of realization and a tad bit of fear washes over your features when you realize you don’t want to go much farther….

OH DEAR HOOPLAH MY JUNK IS BROKEN!

Ugh! I’m too young for my dear friend to be broken! I mean seriously! Aren’t kids supposed to be the ones who do that to you? But then again we constantly hear the term if you don’t use it, you lose it.

*Looks down*

“Hello? Are you still working? I’m sorry for abandoning you for so long. I promise to use you again….. eventually.”

You honestly do start to ponder between two questions:Is it your partner? Or is it you?

I stared at my hubby and thought…. Sweet mama mosa you’re gorgeous,but I only wanna stare…. even if I DO know what you’re capable of. Does that mean I don’t want him anymore? Or we have simply moved to that stage in which a couple is very much satisfied with watching those awesome television series that come on when you get off of work.

Isn’t that not supposed to happen until we’re in our late thirties with kids!? This (as I said earlier) IS TOO EARLY!

And then there is always the case of those couples who become beyond cranky as time goes on without the sex. I mean sure, there are more than enough cases in which sex isn’t the main thing that holds the couple together, but if you really think about it, it is really hard to argue directly after sex. So far we aren’t cranky. Though I must say he gives me some awkward looks when I start running around the room half naked screeching and pointing at my vajayjay  “Baby seriously! I think it’s broken” when I find myself once again not in the mood.

*Slows breathing*

I guess its just a mental thing. I mean, obviously temporarily not wanting it is better than actually breaking it. There is this guy I know where he broke his with his girlfriend and had to get stitches.

YOU CAN GET STITCHES DOWN THERE?!

Okay, obviously I know you can, but who really wants to risk it? Imagine explaining your predicament to a doctor and then that psycho coming at you with pointy objects towards your private places! ICK!

I think I’d rather deal with a psyche out rather than actually breaking it…..

Though I still consider it broken

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