I can’t quit now.
As much as I want to quit…to fail…to walk away and stop looking back at all that has broken me….
I have a son that needs me. I probably need him just as much.
I kept saying that God was punishing me by making me a single mother. That because of everything I’ve done, I had to let go of friends. Of the man who I saw as the love of my life. Of the life that I was so used to.
….But I doubt I can say that anymore.
As I sit here, staring into the night/early morning, I think that there is much to be happy about. I mean between giving life and starting a new chapter of my own, there is much to be proud of. But then when you look around you and see how alone you’ve become, it sucks not only the joy out of you, but your strength. My mom keeps saying over and over “you’re not alone, you have me”
…. But I don’t think she understands how much that hurts. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother (even more now knowing what she went through) but to have set goals, dreams, and people you loved, minimized to a single person, it hurts.
It burns more than tears can portray. (more…)