Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Posts tagged ‘emotional’

Imminent Emotion

 

The smile I have on my face right now…..

I’m not sure, it’s like I’m trying to find the emotion that fits this. It’s not love.

Because to say “love” this early would be quite stupid

Content?

Relaxation?

Acceptance?

….. Gas from a good burger?

I’ve never felt comfortable naked in front of anyone.

Hearing the words “You’re beautiful”, all while waiting for the other shoe to drop

That’s what I was used to…

“You’re perfect the way you are”….

….. “But make sure you get healthy”.

I will not fulfill America’s current standard of beauty

I’m not trying to

I’m trying to hold on to MY beautiful

Yesterday I received a look of not simple lust

But appreciation.

This man took hold of the extra curves I have above my hips

Absorbed every inch of my being through his gaze

….And told me that any woman who looks like me shouldn’t be scared of her own reflection just because she doesn’t fit the basic model of beauty.

Because that is exactly what it is:

Basic

Drawn within the lines of a coloring book with no space for imagination.

I am simply amazed

Why?

Because there are so many people out there who are afraid to acknowledge there is more than one acceptable body type…

He is not one of them

Between accepting not only my physical form

My near obsessive love for books

My un-ladylike way of screaming at the TV while playing Call of Duty

My crude sarcasm

….. And my fear of being accepted/being worthless

He reminded me that anything can change within the span of a single heartbeat

He showed me that not every relationship, you have to BE with someone

People have lost the definition of “relationship”

Now it is time for us to find it.

A friend is a form of relationship .

Beautiful and no less important or intimate than that of a couple.

Whomever my future husband may be….

There will be some serious jealousy towards him

Because I have deemed him as a new permanent

I calling the emotion: New.

Emotions are imminent when you meet someone you know will change your life

Being A Princess

Deferred gratification… How long are you supposed to wait

 

I am 21 years old…. and I want to be a princess. That is my Christmas wish. And I’m not talking about those frilly cry all over the place princesses with the pointy hats who can’t tie their own shoes if they were asked. I am talking about a woman who is fully on her way to becoming someone who can responsibly and logically lead a country. A woman in which people acknowledge the power she exhumes with calm rather than just focusing on the fact that she is just a woman doing it. But do you know what many princesses are portrayed with? People who love her. And I don’t mean “people” as in the general public. I mean friends and family.

And of course…. a man who is completely and utterly in love with her.

I am not saying I want to become some lazy woman who simply wants to be barefoot and pregnant in my kitchen. I still have dreams. Aspirations. A plan to maybe join some form of law enforcement or (if I somehow lose my mind) go to law school.

But let me say I am not a robot. Some may act as such, but we are not meant to be robots. We are human beings. And as much as too many people don’t want to admit, we need to hear that someone cares about us. To do something stupid and make us smile for the little things in life before we become too panicked from the big messes we make every day.

So let me just say….I want to be a princess. I want to be spoiled and hear someone say they love me and mean it. Let it be shown through many moments. I want to know that even though I work hard for myself, I don’t HAVE to do it alone. I work too hard. Being a full time student and working three jobs is not a life. It feels like a sentence to me. I know it will eventually get better. But for a little bit, can I at least feel like a princess while I do all of this?

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