Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Posts tagged ‘awkward moments’

The Indecent (Ratchet) Roommate

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For those who live on a college campus, I’m sure we’ve all experience that one (or many) sucky ass roommate(s). Well, I got one of those. This is not a first and it is something I am very used to. There is one thing though…. please remember that college is not high school. If you hit someone in high school, you get suspended. If you hit someone in college, you get arrested. (WELL HOT DAMN!)

In a sense it protects you, but at the same time if you have those people who are completely out of line and begin touching your stuff, you begin to wonder what you can do. Any ideas? OH! Well I have quite a few. ^._.^

1. She/He treats your dorm like its a free club (including access to your food)
If you want to be that “good student” you can simply harass your RA until they hate you. But you already know that in most cases this won’t work. SO….
You can put laxatives in ALL of the food that you know that they are stealing. It may end up being a little bit expensive because you have to have new food in a mini fridge in your room, but its hilarious to watch when everyone try to rush to the bathroom (which there is only one of) and there is plastic wrap on that wonderful porcelain seat. BWAH HA HA HA HA!

Another way to deal with the club thing (which can only be done if you’re a badass) Is kick a few people out. If the guests are in your living room, you can tell them to get the hell out before you call the police. The living room is a common space, and thus owned by both people in the room. They can curse all they want. But I love to laugh at their faces because I actually work in the building and will make sure there are forever issues for them! (Insert another evil laugh here)

2. The roommate that for some reason loves to hog the bathroom…..
I simply have a list for this!

  • Nair in the shampoo (hilarious!)
  • Glue sheet over the drain so everything floods
    If you’ve never played with glue as a kid, I will simply tell you that its invisible, thus very easy. Just make sure it dries first.
  • Vinegar or Apple vinegar in their toothpaste (my goodness is that disgusting!)
  • Partially unscrew the shower head, or just take it out in general. You can hide it until they call the RA but you can’t get in trouble for it due to the fact that you didn’t steal anything out of her room. The bathroom is still considered common ground in the dorm.
  • Messing with their acne products. Add a light butter for those who have the creams.

3. The “Let me have wild animal sex at 3am” roommate
Just have you and your friends stand outside the door and make wild animal sounds with them. Or, blow out a large candle in front of his/her door to let the smoke come in and start screaming fire. Just turn away to avoid seeing any unwanted images of nakedness.

4. The roommate who assumes that he/she is the boss
See…. this is my personal issue. Don’t act out just yet. You actually have to get your RA involved, you can hold attitude all you want, but don’t let them know you can handle them yet, you have to first come off as innocent to the staff dealing with the issue before ripping that ratchet roommate a new one. Once all the legalities are done, Make him/her cry. But let me tell you if you can’t play with fire don’t light it.
To one day be continued….. when all of this is settled of course

Parental Supervision…. Or Lack Thereof

That awkward moment when your absent parent wants to be buddy buddy with you. Its just that….

AWKWARD

Now I’m not the type to go off and say I hate either of my parents. I am not the hating type. BUT, I will clearly point out when someone is being an ignorant douchebag.

*Looks into corner of screen to catch a notification from daddy dearest”*…..

(>._.)> You sir, must have lost your mind.

No, I shall not accept your tags, friend requests, or breaths to coo over your new child that you have already managed to leave before she hit preschool.

Now that I have gotten that out of my system, I really don’t have much against distance parenting. I mean seriously, some people just can’t stand living with each other but love their child(ren) to bits. They are still present in the child’s life without causing some form of future emotional damage from the constant impending doom of a divorce.

And then there are the runaways…. No, I don’t mean the kids. I mean those parents who runaway from responsibility or simply get bored of the idea of supporting their spawn for eighteen years. Once everything gets heavy, they are dipping faster than a government official caught in a sex scandal (and they deny everything pretty fast!) They aren’t there for any struggles. Or discoveries. Or any of the things to represent the things that their child is growing up.

Oddly enough there is one thing that puzzles me: When their child has done some great accomplishment, they are all over that ownership like white on rice!

“Yeah! that’s my kid! My genes! You see how great they are?! That’s all mine!”

Uh? No…. That was hard work and determination (probably) with the help of the family that they are close to. Not you calling once a year to make sure you don’t need anything from them.

SO please, do the world a favor, and don’t be that absent parent. Much less that absent parent who only comes to claim their child(ren)’s success.

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