Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Imminent Emotion


The smile I have on my face right now…..

I’m not sure, it’s like I’m trying to find the emotion that fits this. It’s not love.

Because to say “love” this early would be quite stupid




….. Gas from a good burger?

I’ve never felt comfortable naked in front of anyone.

Hearing the words “You’re beautiful”, all while waiting for the other shoe to drop

That’s what I was used to…

“You’re perfect the way you are”….

….. “But make sure you get healthy”.

I will not fulfill America’s current standard of beauty

I’m not trying to

I’m trying to hold on to MY beautiful

Yesterday I received a look of not simple lust

But appreciation.

This man took hold of the extra curves I have above my hips

Absorbed every inch of my being through his gaze

….And told me that any woman who looks like me shouldn’t be scared of her own reflection just because she doesn’t fit the basic model of beauty.

Because that is exactly what it is:


Drawn within the lines of a coloring book with no space for imagination.

I am simply amazed


Because there are so many people out there who are afraid to acknowledge there is more than one acceptable body type…

He is not one of them

Between accepting not only my physical form

My near obsessive love for books

My un-ladylike way of screaming at the TV while playing Call of Duty

My crude sarcasm

….. And my fear of being accepted/being worthless

He reminded me that anything can change within the span of a single heartbeat

He showed me that not every relationship, you have to BE with someone

People have lost the definition of “relationship”

Now it is time for us to find it.

A friend is a form of relationship .

Beautiful and no less important or intimate than that of a couple.

Whomever my future husband may be….

There will be some serious jealousy towards him

Because I have deemed him as a new permanent

I calling the emotion: New.

Emotions are imminent when you meet someone you know will change your life


Loveless Society

I’m done with people. I am so done with people it is actually causing me physical pain and mental angst at the thought of dealing with anyone at this point.

I’m not one to follow the whole “religious/spiritual” thing with the whole no sex before marriage. Believe me, I thought about it, I tried for about 48 hours, and failed miserably the moment I became single. But in all honesty….. I’ve come to discover people only want sex. There is some uncontested primal need to simply get your pleasure out of sex and be done with it.

What happened to love and romance and the pursuit of a steamy and hopefully long-lasting relationship?

Do those not exist anymore? Read the rest of this entry »

“That” Girl

I want to be “that” girl.

No, not the one where every guy has banged her and the girls look at her as if she isn’t worth the dirt she walks on.

I mean I want to be that WOMAN.

Anyone can be a friend with benefits or simply a f**k buddy. All you need are the right pieces. I want to be that woman that turns heads in her direction and keeps them there.

I want someone to want to get to know me. Not just explore my body as another voyage accomplished.

I want someone to look at me and say “Wow, that’s a really respectable (beautiful) looking woman, I want to get to know her:”. Not, “I want to get in her pants”

Then again no one looks at me in general.

Why do all of those girls have to be rail thin with perfect breasts and flowing hair with a thigh gap?

Why can’t one of “those” girls be a size 14 who enjoy the idea of reading a book a day and wear dorky glasses and not care about fitting into the Victoria’s Secret collection?

I don’t meet the standard view of beauty. I don’t turn heads.

But I want to….

Why do I have to meet some sex idol looks to have someone say a simple hello to me?

Do you know how degrading that is not just to a woman as a whole but to my self-esteem?

Why fear a woman’s intelligence? Or independence? Or the fact that not every woman is going to look like the women in magazine?! As it is so often stated: NOT EVEN THE WOMEN IN THE MAGAZINE LOOK LIKE THAT!

I just needed to vent. I hurt. Not jut for me but for every woman who is ostracized not only by men looking for the barbie made standards, but the women who put down their peers because they cannot reach the standards of perfection. 


For those who live on a college campus, I’m sure we’ve all experience that one (or many) sucky ass roommate(s). Well, I got one of those. This is not a first and it is something I am very used to. There is one thing though…. please remember that college is not high school. If you hit someone in high school, you get suspended. If you hit someone in college, you get arrested. (WELL HOT DAMN!)

In a sense it protects you, but at the same time if you have those people who are completely out of line and begin touching your stuff, you begin to wonder what you can do. Any ideas? OH! Well I have quite a few. ^._.^

1. She/He treats your dorm like its a free club (including access to your food)
If you want to be that “good student” you can simply harass your RA until they hate you. But you already know that in most cases this won’t work. SO….
You can put laxatives in ALL of the food that you know that they are stealing. It may end up being a little bit expensive because you have to have new food in a mini fridge in your room, but its hilarious to watch when everyone try to rush to the bathroom (which there is only one of) and there is plastic wrap on that wonderful porcelain seat. BWAH HA HA HA HA!

Another way to deal with the club thing (which can only be done if you’re a badass) Is kick a few people out. If the guests are in your living room, you can tell them to get the hell out before you call the police. The living room is a common space, and thus owned by both people in the room. They can curse all they want. But I love to laugh at their faces because I actually work in the building and will make sure there are forever issues for them! (Insert another evil laugh here)

2. The roommate that for some reason loves to hog the bathroom…..
I simply have a list for this!

  • Nair in the shampoo (hilarious!)
  • Glue sheet over the drain so everything floods
    If you’ve never played with glue as a kid, I will simply tell you that its invisible, thus very easy. Just make sure it dries first.
  • Vinegar or Apple vinegar in their toothpaste (my goodness is that disgusting!)
  • Partially unscrew the shower head, or just take it out in general. You can hide it until they call the RA but you can’t get in trouble for it due to the fact that you didn’t steal anything out of her room. The bathroom is still considered common ground in the dorm.
  • Messing with their acne products. Add a light butter for those who have the creams.

3. The “Let me have wild animal sex at 3am” roommate
Just have you and your friends stand outside the door and make wild animal sounds with them. Or, blow out a large candle in front of his/her door to let the smoke come in and start screaming fire. Just turn away to avoid seeing any unwanted images of nakedness.

4. The roommate who assumes that he/she is the boss
See…. this is my personal issue. Don’t act out just yet. You actually have to get your RA involved, you can hold attitude all you want, but don’t let them know you can handle them yet, you have to first come off as innocent to the staff dealing with the issue before ripping that ratchet roommate a new one. Once all the legalities are done, Make him/her cry. But let me tell you if you can’t play with fire don’t light it.
To one day be continued….. when all of this is settled of course

There will always be people who want to be independent. Though I must say, as it is obvious, that not every independent person is going to go off and stomp their foot, cross their arms, and hold their breath in rebellion against a relationship.

Because like the human beings we are, everyone likes a little bit of company. We simply like having the CHOICE to relax by ourselves here and there.

There is one issue though, how do you keep your independence and still hold a relationship in which as a couple you are a singular unit rather than two people living under the same roof (or whatever stage of relationship you are in).

…. I am not going to lie and say that I know the answer to the question. I don’t. Or at least not an answer that will suit everyone.

But it is called compromise. A lot of compromise.

Have you ever just sat there in a relationship and said “I wish he/she would just ask for help once in a while rather than shutting me out”?

If you said no, you are that person pushing you’re significant other away because you want to be superman/superwoman. (Well that’s not nice at all now is it?!)

Asking for help with the little things, doing the dishes together, even proof reading something small. It feels nice.

I’m actually here to ask for help.
How do you let go of the constant independent motions of your day in a relationship?


…. It feels nice to be loved

To be wanted for more than just physical pleasures

To be completely weird and awkward

To have those silent conversations and then bust out laughing while we are surrounded by everyone

There is no definition for love

and it is more than just a feeling….

And I know now that there is no way I will ever define it and fully understand it

But it is the best thing we will ever have

Long Distance

I keep turning around thinking maybe just maybe my imagination hasn’t simply gone wild and I’ll catch a glimpse of your beautiful smile… but that is simply not going to happen. Because you are miles away in a land where I simply can’t touch you or hold you in a way where I should. Where if this were a normal relationship I could. Were this a normal relationship I would not be writing this. But instead I still in tears as people tell me to suck it up because there are people who “don’t get the chance to be with that proper someone”. If you have never been with the proper someone, then you are not experiencing the same pain. It is not something of a lesser pain, because the areas are not the same and are not to be compared. For those who do know and love that proper person, you also know that you are not supposed to be separated.

This is NOT for the teeny-boppers who want to defy their parents and their childhood for the first little boy that calls them beautiful with hidden intentions. I am not talking about that guy/girl that your friends and family tell you to leave and do better, and yet you stay with them hoping and praying they will change because that is the only idea of love you know. I am speaking of real commitment. That commitment you find after multiple experiences of trying and failing and they slowly put your heart back together one tiny piece at a time.

There are many points during my relationship in which I thought…. “What is the point of a long distance relationship?” Is it honestly still considered a relationship if you see them less than you see anyone else in the list of people you consider important in your life? That occasional phone call or Skype date in between work/class/life/etc., may give you that emotional boost for a moment, but when that call ends where does it leave you? That feeling of pure elation turning into complete and utter loneliness can be crippling. Looking past your computer screen or your phone you realize that your room is still empty. That your bed still has that extra space. That warmth you felt was only an illusion caused by the honey of his/her voice. How long will you be able to endure that pain of never knowing?

One of the hardest things to go through with a long distance relationship is trust. It is much harder if your relationship has always been long distance rather than beginning as a traditional relationship. When you’ve always been apart do you honestly feel the same commitment than if you saw them everyday? AND YOU WONDER WHERE TRUST ISSUES COME FROM!

I’m only here to make this short though….when you finally come together physically, do you have enough in common? Can you honestly function as a normal couple? Though you may have been together for years, it is like going through the honeymoon stage all over again. But with the honeymoon stage comes with the stage in which there is a blunt reality. Beginning to weigh the pros and cons of your relationship. It is almost unhealthy. A voice over the phone is completely different from a person in front of you.

For those who have kids within a long distance relationship, it is a little different. okay, a lot different. But I can’t write on that because I am still a college student and haven’t had the blessing of being in the right place in life to have children yet.

But…. Any ideas on how to make a long distance relationship work? Or possibly how to deal with the stress/loneliness/depression of long distance relationships?


Everyone enjoys a little laughter here and there. Not in a mean teasing way. I mean that deep chuckle where people would probably stop and look at you funny; tears coming out of your eyes as you try to catch your breath and try not to piss yourself.

Now think about how often we actually let ourselves have that in the world we live in….

We constantly busy ourselves with all kinds of work and responsibilities, yet we never remember that as a human being, WE, ourselves, the smiles that we try our dearest to hold on to, is still a responsibility. We constantly tell others that we wonder “What it would be like to be a kid again….”

I truly doubt it is all the responsibilities you are trying to get rid of. Because I sit here, currently stuck with my foot in a cast for another five weeks, wishing I could go back to work. And I don’t even like that job! Then again… I like always being in motion.


It is that freedom to laugh and smile with an open mind that we began to lose over the years. Instead so many people focus on the “facts” of life and simply go with it because apparently we have all become robots on a mission to make the world a better technological place.


For the love of all that is humane (and slightly funny) come out of your little shells and laugh for a bit. Myself as well because apparently the hubby said I didn’t do it enough. He then followed that statement by ambushing me with a tickle attack in which I laughed to the point where I accidentally elbowed him in the face and then kneed him in the chest. Okay, for most people tickle fights aren’t that dangerous. But I’m pretty sure you are getting the gist of things. We had fun and that is what matters.

Here are a few cheap (free) ways to get a few chuckles in during the free time of your day:

  • Awkward conversation
    • I hope that you know “awkward” isn’t used in that –I was the band geek in high school who couldn’t hold a proper conversation with the opposite sex without needing to use my inhaler- way (That was me a few times). I mean those conversations in which you can openly make weird faces and within those awkward faces, you’ve had a total conversation and you’ve ended up wherever you are, laughing your ass off.
  • Tickle Fights
    • I’m not quite sure why these have gone out of style. I mean honestly, they are not as dangerous as I made it seem! I PROMISE!
      • WARNING: Do not attempt to try this with random people, it will most likely have the opposite effect with possibly a restraining order.
  • Movie in a homemade fort
    • Grab as many blankets and pillows as you can and find something with enough space under it for more than one person. That would most likely be one of your table sets. For me, it is my bed since I can put my entire dresser under that thing. Then, grab your laptop, or maybe even your entire television (do NOT grab a dino-tv and attempt to move it into your new hidey-hole) and begin watching your choice of whatever with your favorite snack and someone to joke with next to you.
  • Random dancing
    • If your favorite song comes on in the store, dance to it. And if you want (which it is highly recommended) drag someone in with you. No, you do not always need to know the person, but at least ask permission first if they haven’t started rooting you on first.

Okay, now look back up at a few of these….

Anything familiar? Something?

These are all things that most people did as a kid. Grown-ups can do it too. ITS OKAY! I’m telling you, I doubt people are going to tell you to check yourself into a mental ward. I obviously only listed a few. There are a gazillion and one ways to laugh. What’s yours?

Older Posts…

So here I am thinking:

And then I realize…. no one ever saw my older ones. Maybe they weren’t as interesting? Well they were and still are interesting to me!

That or maybe the topic has been used and abused like a bad meme. Anywho…. scroll down and look at a few. I’m not begging… But I am willing too. A sad bribe maybe?

Okay, so obviously this is nothing new. People have been cheating since the beginning of freaking time. It was the simple matter of being even more discreet about it. But currently, I am simply confused and angered.

First of all, let me start with this…. Where did all the good girls go?  Not all of us have been scarred by some sucky ass-tastic partner, so what in the hell is going on? Relationships are obviously not for everyone. EVER! AT THE FUCK ALL! But to enter a relationship with only the intent to get laid, and then apparently not get laid enough for your own tastes and then begin to lay everyone, MAKES NO DAMN SENSE!

Yes, everyone has the right to their own sexual whatevers and what-nots. But let me put this out there for those who obviously don’t know: that is NOT what a relationship is for.

If you want sex; go get laid. But for the love of all that’s humane, don’t drag someone’s heart into it. There is honestly nothing wrong with having a friend (or more) with benefits. (Don’t worry, I’m saving the flaunting your assets like a whore vs being sexually emancipated for another damn day!) To say relationship on the other hand, is like entering a battlefield you are not trained for and you’re gonna go off killing people who aren’t even part of your ridiculous mess.

I’m not quite trying to stand up for the male gender. Because don’t get me wrong, both genders have a cheating track record for centuries, its simply whether or not who gets caught. But there are so many women I’ve met where they go off and say, “Oh, why the hell can’t I find a good man nowadays?” These are the same women who are walking around half nekkid (not “naked”, NEKKID [i.e. shorts where you can clearly see the end of what ass they have hanging out]) and have stories of sleeping with enough men WITHIN THE SAME GROUP to make a damn football team. Let me tell you where they went: You assisted in killing their personalities when you wanted sex because you equated sex with love and then looked for it in fifty-million places other than the home you had with them.

I mean come on! We are getting a bad name here! From waaaaay back when we were hitting puberty, we learned at least a small (no matter how minuscule it may be) insight on relationships. That if you weren’t happy, leave. It is no longer the idea of being “unhappy”. We are facing the concept of greed.

So for the ladies who say you can’t find a “good man” while you’re cheating on one because he “can’t satisfy you enough”, please, do the rest of the world a favor and just stop looking. I mean this from every side of the gender plate here. It’s like pollution on a small island, there really isn’t much to destroy before its all gone.

If you want to find a “good man” you have to be a good woman first. DAMN!

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