Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Archive for the ‘Self Esteem’ Category

Imminent Emotion

 

The smile I have on my face right now…..

I’m not sure, it’s like I’m trying to find the emotion that fits this. It’s not love.

Because to say “love” this early would be quite stupid

Content?

Relaxation?

Acceptance?

….. Gas from a good burger?

I’ve never felt comfortable naked in front of anyone.

Hearing the words “You’re beautiful”, all while waiting for the other shoe to drop

That’s what I was used to…

“You’re perfect the way you are”….

….. “But make sure you get healthy”.

I will not fulfill America’s current standard of beauty

I’m not trying to

I’m trying to hold on to MY beautiful

Yesterday I received a look of not simple lust

But appreciation.

This man took hold of the extra curves I have above my hips

Absorbed every inch of my being through his gaze

….And told me that any woman who looks like me shouldn’t be scared of her own reflection just because she doesn’t fit the basic model of beauty.

Because that is exactly what it is:

Basic

Drawn within the lines of a coloring book with no space for imagination.

I am simply amazed

Why?

Because there are so many people out there who are afraid to acknowledge there is more than one acceptable body type…

He is not one of them

Between accepting not only my physical form

My near obsessive love for books

My un-ladylike way of screaming at the TV while playing Call of Duty

My crude sarcasm

….. And my fear of being accepted/being worthless

He reminded me that anything can change within the span of a single heartbeat

He showed me that not every relationship, you have to BE with someone

People have lost the definition of “relationship”

Now it is time for us to find it.

A friend is a form of relationship .

Beautiful and no less important or intimate than that of a couple.

Whomever my future husband may be….

There will be some serious jealousy towards him

Because I have deemed him as a new permanent

I calling the emotion: New.

Emotions are imminent when you meet someone you know will change your life

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“That” Girl

I want to be “that” girl.

No, not the one where every guy has banged her and the girls look at her as if she isn’t worth the dirt she walks on.

I mean I want to be that WOMAN.

Anyone can be a friend with benefits or simply a f**k buddy. All you need are the right pieces. I want to be that woman that turns heads in her direction and keeps them there.

I want someone to want to get to know me. Not just explore my body as another voyage accomplished.

I want someone to look at me and say “Wow, that’s a really respectable (beautiful) looking woman, I want to get to know her:”. Not, “I want to get in her pants”

Then again no one looks at me in general.

Why do all of those girls have to be rail thin with perfect breasts and flowing hair with a thigh gap?

Why can’t one of “those” girls be a size 14 who enjoy the idea of reading a book a day and wear dorky glasses and not care about fitting into the Victoria’s Secret collection?

I don’t meet the standard view of beauty. I don’t turn heads.

But I want to….

Why do I have to meet some sex idol looks to have someone say a simple hello to me?

Do you know how degrading that is not just to a woman as a whole but to my self-esteem?

Why fear a woman’s intelligence? Or independence? Or the fact that not every woman is going to look like the women in magazine?! As it is so often stated: NOT EVEN THE WOMEN IN THE MAGAZINE LOOK LIKE THAT!

I just needed to vent. I hurt. Not jut for me but for every woman who is ostracized not only by men looking for the barbie made standards, but the women who put down their peers because they cannot reach the standards of perfection. 

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