Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Friends With Benefits

 

You know, I need to first start with my personal opinion: IF you have a friend with benefits (FWB for those who don’t know and live under a rock…on a different planet… in a different galaxy), there should be a limit on how long you guys are just FWB until you are deemed as “in a relationship”. Obviously, if you have a FWB, or you are that person, as the fallback when your normal smexy-time life is a bit slow, then it’s a different story. Or at least a different timeline. No matter what, there’s a damn limit! (more…)

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Reckless

I’m the jealous type……

…… And I’m in love with someone who probably wishes they didn’t have to love me back. That is if he is still capable of loving me at all.

I say the words I love you and he looks at me, showing me all the pain I had put him through over three years, and his response is “I loved you”.

Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Because I’m still here trying to fix all that I messed up in our past. I still have him as one of my first thoughts as I wake up and one of the last before I fall asleep. I’m losing my mind because technically…. I already know he gave up on me. But I still want to show him that “this time it will be different”…. If there is another time.

We barely talk anymore… a message here and there throughout the day but when either of us pick up the phone (which has become a rare occasion) there are little words that can be said. I want to say I love you and show him that I’m not the girl who hurt him. That I’m not the girl who didn’t realize how much I needed to learn to love him back on the same level he loved me. I feel like he’s trying to escape every time we talk. Yet for the first time, we had a semi okay moment and went to lunch (which I was surprised he agreed to).

Once again the reality of the situation was thrown in my face before we even went through the doors…..

He’s (kinda) talking to someone else. If he could see the smile that came across his face while he spoke to her on the phone that I knew he didn’t have with me anymore…. the way he unconsciously avoided saying my name or mentioning that he was with me while he spoke to her…. (more…)

Dear Little One

 

Hello little one…..

I know it’ll be some time before I meet you face to face, but I want you to know that I already love you.

I’m the one person who knows you so far, though quite a few know about you.

When they get the chance to meet you, I’m sure they’ll love you too. They just don’t know it yet. (more…)

Moment of Passion

I want to be more than just a moment of passion

More than a wrinkle in your bedroom sheets

Hold a greater value than the used condom that is to be thrown away

….. Just like the next girl on your list.

Turn off the lights (more…)

You Love (Affair)

You love….

Her hips

Her lips

Her thighs

Her breasts

The way the curves of her body fit perfectly in your hands. (more…)

Imminent Emotion

 

The smile I have on my face right now…..

I’m not sure, it’s like I’m trying to find the emotion that fits this. It’s not love.

Because to say “love” this early would be quite stupid

Content?

Relaxation?

Acceptance?

….. Gas from a good burger?

I’ve never felt comfortable naked in front of anyone.

Hearing the words “You’re beautiful”, all while waiting for the other shoe to drop

That’s what I was used to…

“You’re perfect the way you are”….

….. “But make sure you get healthy”.

I will not fulfill America’s current standard of beauty

I’m not trying to

I’m trying to hold on to MY beautiful

Yesterday I received a look of not simple lust

But appreciation.

This man took hold of the extra curves I have above my hips

Absorbed every inch of my being through his gaze

….And told me that any woman who looks like me shouldn’t be scared of her own reflection just because she doesn’t fit the basic model of beauty.

Because that is exactly what it is:

Basic

Drawn within the lines of a coloring book with no space for imagination.

I am simply amazed

Why?

Because there are so many people out there who are afraid to acknowledge there is more than one acceptable body type…

He is not one of them

Between accepting not only my physical form

My near obsessive love for books

My un-ladylike way of screaming at the TV while playing Call of Duty

My crude sarcasm

….. And my fear of being accepted/being worthless

He reminded me that anything can change within the span of a single heartbeat

He showed me that not every relationship, you have to BE with someone

People have lost the definition of “relationship”

Now it is time for us to find it.

A friend is a form of relationship .

Beautiful and no less important or intimate than that of a couple.

Whomever my future husband may be….

There will be some serious jealousy towards him

Because I have deemed him as a new permanent

I calling the emotion: New.

Emotions are imminent when you meet someone you know will change your life

Loveless Society

I’m done with people. I am so done with people it is actually causing me physical pain and mental angst at the thought of dealing with anyone at this point.

I’m not one to follow the whole “religious/spiritual” thing with the whole no sex before marriage. Believe me, I thought about it, I tried for about 48 hours, and failed miserably the moment I became single. But in all honesty….. I’ve come to discover people only want sex. There is some uncontested primal need to simply get your pleasure out of sex and be done with it.

What happened to love and romance and the pursuit of a steamy and hopefully long-lasting relationship?

Do those not exist anymore? (more…)

“That” Girl

I want to be “that” girl.

No, not the one where every guy has banged her and the girls look at her as if she isn’t worth the dirt she walks on.

I mean I want to be that WOMAN.

Anyone can be a friend with benefits or simply a f**k buddy. All you need are the right pieces. I want to be that woman that turns heads in her direction and keeps them there.

I want someone to want to get to know me. Not just explore my body as another voyage accomplished.

I want someone to look at me and say “Wow, that’s a really respectable (beautiful) looking woman, I want to get to know her:”. Not, “I want to get in her pants”

Then again no one looks at me in general.

Why do all of those girls have to be rail thin with perfect breasts and flowing hair with a thigh gap?

Why can’t one of “those” girls be a size 14 who enjoy the idea of reading a book a day and wear dorky glasses and not care about fitting into the Victoria’s Secret collection?

I don’t meet the standard view of beauty. I don’t turn heads.

But I want to….

Why do I have to meet some sex idol looks to have someone say a simple hello to me?

Do you know how degrading that is not just to a woman as a whole but to my self-esteem?

Why fear a woman’s intelligence? Or independence? Or the fact that not every woman is going to look like the women in magazine?! As it is so often stated: NOT EVEN THE WOMEN IN THE MAGAZINE LOOK LIKE THAT!

I just needed to vent. I hurt. Not jut for me but for every woman who is ostracized not only by men looking for the barbie made standards, but the women who put down their peers because they cannot reach the standards of perfection. 

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