I can’t quit now.
As much as I want to quit…to fail…to walk away and stop looking back at all that has broken me….
I have a son that needs me. I probably need him just as much.
I kept saying that God was punishing me by making me a single mother. That because of everything I’ve done, I had to let go of friends. Of the man who I saw as the love of my life. Of the life that I was so used to.
….But I doubt I can say that anymore.
There is a reason for everything.
I don’t see having a child as punishment, though my situation might make it feel as such.
But I have to stop and think, there are women out there who can’t have children of their own. So who am I to complain?
In the current situation where I sit, I am being broken down into the smallest pieces in order to be rebuilt into someone beautiful. I cannot simply sit here in misery and say my life is over.
Though in a sense it is.
But the life I was living obviously wasn’t the one that was planned for me.
On the road ahead is something bigger than me.
Though I carry my son within me… even he is bigger than me at this point.
The idea of being a single mother and alone…. is probably the most terrifying thing to me right now.
And all I can do is accept it.
Because that means somewhere deep…. Somewhere I haven’t discovered yet, I have a rare strength that others weren’t meant for.
Maybe things will change. Well…. Things are always changing.
I just hope that I have the strength to make it through and make the best of it.