Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Ok…. So we’ve all seen those movies where the girl ends up getting with their childhood friend (usually after many sucky relationships and the friend constantly saying “don’t do it”). Well this was not quite that… But from a certain point of view it’s damn near the same.

From when I was in the sixth grade, I had a crush on the mysterious new kid on the block. Any 13 year old girl who sees a boy that ISN’T picking their nose at the same age, would be amazed by something new. Along with him (the cute guy) not talking about the sexual innuendos of your push pop in the bus seat behind you. I’m pretty sure it was the first day of my seventh grade year (If I have yet to mention, or you simply haven’t noticed, seven is my VERY lucky number). I’m going to the neighborhood cheese wagon (school bus) stop from the first day of school with the rest of the kids I recognized from the year before. My happy go lucky, walking backwards to the stop, everyday self, saw something that was weirder than I was. Now ladies and gents…. this was a feat! I mean seriously, how many kids do you know walk around a whole complex backwards?!?!?

Peripheral…. That was a new vocab word and a skill I had finally learned to use with glasses. All I saw was a boy flip off of the electronic box and I nearly had a heart attack (along with my oh-so-famous nosebleeds). I had never seen this kid before so how he had gained popularity in a day I don’t know. I had ASSUMED I knew everyone in that complex. Maybe he was an alien…. Any who. I did what I did best when it came to boys, I ignored him to the best of my ability. Whatever fluttering in my stomach had been related to gas and the racing of my heart could have been the fear of “some kid” cracking his head open before the first day even started.

Maybe I was blatantly lying to myself. I avoided that side of the bus stop as if it were infected with the plague. INFECTED!!!! Somewhere in my mind, my sanity (or what was left of it) shut down. Usually, I was the girl who welcomed all of the new kids to the bus stop. I didn’t say a word to him. Not one. I didn’t even decrease the distance enough to accidently bump into him. I went from being the playful band nerd…. to being the quietest chick ALIVE! I was already unpopular with the whole micro-cop (hall monitor), band nerd combo. But this is what we call –Becoming a Ninja-.

This does not mean I disappeared from my friends. Not at all. This just means I avoided every place he was. Which was the majority of the school. Who knew popularity spread like wildfire? Oh yeah! Not me! That was not my category and I was fine with that. *insert smiley ninja face here* It wasn’t that difficult after a while. I immersed myself in every INSIDE activity I could find with my friends. Or played in the back of the complex fighting with the boys in football. To me this was bliss. The only time I was inescapable was the bus stop. I suppose I read too much on the school bus to honestly notice his existence. But I still knew he was there.

Lady and Gents…. This is what we would describe as extreme teen crushing! I didn’t even like boys before that. I was fully convinced that they had nothing for me. Only to annoy me with immature statements and no enjoyment of education or anything I myself would consider interesting. The closest guy I had to a boyfriend of any sort was very gay with no interests in the female anatomy. Thank goodness because if anyone was attempting to kiss me with an extra leg they would lose said “leg” and the bottom half of their face. I am getting off topic, back to this girly crush.

Everyone knew his name. It was like the epidemic of “Jay” which was the name he was known by. Funny thing was, though I didn’t say a word to him I was the person who knew his actual name. Mark. I thought his actual name fit him just fine. I knew him as Mark Blankety-Blank. No last name!!! Gyah!

Oh, but the drama his name caused me in high school. Two years later, I put on my big girl panties to talk to him…. for my friend. Sad isn’t it? Who knew a name could be so dangerous? I came to discover that no one called him by his first name. No, I didn’t know why. He was just weird like that. I wasn’t one for nicknames so he was going to be called by his Christian born name whether he liked it or not! Or so I thought. Have you ever seen about twelve people give you a dirty look all at the same time and you don’t know what on Earth you could have done to them? Yeah…. I was in that line of mental fire. I was facing an army of his crew. I said screw it. I had something to do and they could go off and take their tampons and stuff it. I didn’t have time for this!

“Yo Mark!” yeah…. these are where you see the evil glares and his confused look in my direction… Wait…. pause for effect. What? He’d seen me every day for three years and we live in the same complex so I’m pretty sure he knew, that I knew, that he knew I knew his name (confused?).

So and so is looking for you. I don’t remember who it was that was looking for him, all I know is that I needed to get his attention. After pointing the person out, he did that half smile that ended my career of pretending I didn’t like him and simply headed out in that direction with a thank you. With the people on him like white on rice, someone stopped to tell me not to call him by his real name. I simply replied with the standard reply of I really don’t care and “he can get over it”.

You would think that at fifteen years old I would be writing his name all over my notebook. No. Not me. I refused. He was Mr. Popular and I was the chick who enjoyed doing the extra credit math homework for fun. I just said some people don’t mix. I took defense, I started dating…. other people. Staying within the safety of my level and not get mixed up with the in crowd when I was enjoying the spontaneity of being outside the circle.

Safety. My. Arse!

There was no safety in this high school dating world. Only heart breaks, psycho emotional boyfriends and the beginnings of a mental emotional downfall which led to the temporary death of my self esteem.

It was greatest distraction for the worst reasons. Except I wanted to say hello to him for myself. Just one time. All that happened was I got a nosebleed and ran in the direction that would get me out of his sight the fastest. So all in all, I graduated without ever really communicating with him. *EPIC FAIL*

Let me rephrase that. I left high school without talking to him. I graduated with him as a very close friend. By some miracle, we began to speak just weeks before high school was actually over for me. And within 2 hours of seeing each other after two years of no communication, everything clicked. It started with a simple hello (without the nosebleed) and a self confidence I’m guessing it had something to do with the idea that I would be leaving off to college in a matter of months and him being a year older most likely having a girlfriend in his college life already. Oh how I was wrong. And happy at the fact! I never thought I was one to be flirtatious but oh how that day proved me wrong. ( Lol, born to be bad but I’m perfectly good at it!) I doubt either of us will ever remember how we started walking together. All I know is we ended up taking a detour around the library. No, we don’t know who said “I like you” first either. Along with many memories that probably got destroyed with the excitement.

But I do remember this:

He got within my bubble. Face to face with no space in between our faces. His warmth tickling my skin. My lips tingling with anticipation as he brushed back and forth against mine with his own. We both (finally) kissed at the same time. Seven years of crushing back and forth and we finally made a real move. Now let’s get this straight, despite how nervous he was about his kissing skills, I was getting dizzy. It was perfect. And yet one thing threw me off. He tasted like air freshener. Now… it’s not like it was a bad thing it just threw me waaaaay off! Maybe it was a way of saying I was finally getting a fresh start? Lol! It wasn’t all about the kissing though. We talked for hours, realizing that we had no sense of boredom between each other. Just 100% comfort and a calm neither of us had ever discovered. The sun setting and both of our curfews coming and passing before we even noticed (along with 11 missed calls from my mother and a threat to file a missing persons report via text). We said our goodbyes for the day…. or at least in person. We sent messages back and forth for hours after we hit home.

And then my (stupid) conscious kicked in. I got nervous. Not sure if we were rushing into any thing, and always made sure we waited a week before seeing each other with each meeting. I didn’t want him to be a rebound guy from a recent break up. Along with the fact that he was best friends with my best friend of four years who had a major crush on me. Not to mention I was scared of getting close to him because I knew (at the time) the best chance we was to have a summer fling, without anyone knowing, and that was it. I don’t like lying and that’s exactly what it would be because we would have to hide it from everyone we knew. Which might I say was A LOT of people. It was back and forth “underground” flirtations and innuendos. If you were me, you could see where I would start going crazy.

This lasted more than two months before we actually made it official that we were attempting to do anything. But we still thought it would only last the summer so we made the best of what we had.

Let me just fit in one thing riiiiiiiiiiiight…. HERE! —> At first, his mother loved me. I was going to school and seeking a science pre-med major. Then I guess reality hit and that all crashed. Gotta love the in laws…..

Anywho, we made our summer the best. I hadn’t been that happy by being myself. Ever. I didn’t want it to end. We didn’t have to be glued to each other 24/7 like other teens our age. We were simply happy. I annoyed my mom on a daily basis staying out late just to sit outside and talk about anything that came to mind.

We kept saying it was only going to last for a summer that we didn’t want to end. Well that summer of ours didn’t even. That or this is a summer from Phineas and Ferb. Seven months, exs from hell and yet we still enjoy every day. Don’t forget to add the interesting fact of I have something related to two of his ex girlfriends. One: my name and Two: the birthday of the other ex. But difference is I don’t have any reason to try and mess it it. Its not a relationship where people assume it’s a “let’s have sex” type thing. I have never met a man so supportive. I give my all to him and he does the same for me so nothing will bring us down. ❤

So this is to my Markie. The superhuman I fell for years ago.  [I love you]

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