Explaining Life, Relationships, And a Lack of Sanity

Friends With Benefits

 

You know, I need to first start with my personal opinion: IF you have a friend with benefits (FWB for those who don’t know and live under a rock…on a different planet… in a different galaxy), there should be a limit on how long you guys are just FWB until you are deemed as “in a relationship”. Obviously, if you have a FWB, or you are that person, as the fallback when your normal smexy-time life is a bit slow, then it’s a different story. Or at least a different timeline. No matter what, there’s a damn limit! Read the rest of this entry »

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Making it….

I can’t quit now.

As much as I want to quit…to fail…to walk away and stop looking back at all that has broken me….

I can’t.

I have a son that needs me. I probably need him just as much.

I kept saying that God was punishing me by making me a single mother. That because of everything I’ve done, I had to let go of friends. Of the man who I saw as the love of my life. Of the life that I was so used to.

….But I doubt I can say that anymore.

Read the rest of this entry »

Reckless

I’m the jealous type……

…… And I’m in love with someone who probably wishes they didn’t have to love me back. That is if he is still capable of loving me at all.

I say the words I love you and he looks at me, showing me all the pain I had put him through over three years, and his response is “I loved you”.

Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Because I’m still here trying to fix all that I messed up in our past. I still have him as one of my first thoughts as I wake up and one of the last before I fall asleep. I’m losing my mind because technically…. I already know he gave up on me. But I still want to show him that “this time it will be different”…. If there is another time.

We barely talk anymore… a message here and there throughout the day but when either of us pick up the phone (which has become a rare occasion) there are little words that can be said. I want to say I love you and show him that I’m not the girl who hurt him. That I’m not the girl who didn’t realize how much I needed to learn to love him back on the same level he loved me. I feel like he’s trying to escape every time we talk. Yet for the first time, we had a semi okay moment and went to lunch (which I was surprised he agreed to).

Once again the reality of the situation was thrown in my face before we even went through the doors…..

He’s (kinda) talking to someone else. If he could see the smile that came across his face while he spoke to her on the phone that I knew he didn’t have with me anymore…. the way he unconsciously avoided saying my name or mentioning that he was with me while he spoke to her…. Read the rest of this entry »

Motherhood Whirlwind…..

As I sit here, staring into the night/early morning, I think that there is much to be happy about. I mean between giving life and starting a new chapter of my own, there is much to be proud of. But then when you look around you and see how alone you’ve become, it sucks not only the joy out of you, but your strength. My mom keeps saying over and over “you’re not alone, you have me”
…. But I don’t think she understands how much that hurts. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother (even more now knowing what she went through) but to have set goals, dreams, and people you loved, minimized to a single person, it hurts.
It burns more than tears can portray. Read the rest of this entry »

Dear Little One

 

Hello little one…..

I know it’ll be some time before I meet you face to face, but I want you to know that I already love you.

I’m the one person who knows you so far, though quite a few know about you.

When they get the chance to meet you, I’m sure they’ll love you too. They just don’t know it yet. Read the rest of this entry »

Pieces

You can’t see her because her personality is camouflaged.
You don’t care how she’s scared of showing all her flaws
You just want to be up in between her legs
as she’s moans on top of your bed
but she can’t get into your head!
The thing is….. Read the rest of this entry »

Moment of Passion

I want to be more than just a moment of passion

More than a wrinkle in your bedroom sheets

Hold a greater value than the used condom that is to be thrown away

….. Just like the next girl on your list.

Turn off the lights Read the rest of this entry »

You Love (Affair)

You love….

Her hips

Her lips

Her thighs

Her breasts

The way the curves of her body fit perfectly in your hands. Read the rest of this entry »

Freshman Year Halloween Costume

So… Every year I hand make my costumes. Hopefully I can outdo my outfit made from a year’s worth of chemistry notes.

Trying to Study Abroad (Japan)

So….. I realized that I really can’t do anything for my birthday this year…..

As well as the fact that it’s my last year as an Undergraduate Student.

Thus I came up with an idea for the ultimate birthday present (seriously). I want to go to Japan this upcoming summer not only as a graduation gift to myself but further learn Japanese. I’m going to start asking (maybe a little begging) for donations for this trip as a birthday gift. With enough help I can go!

I mean seriously, how often do people get to study abroad!

…… Aside from really nice people in the world, does anyone have suggestions as to raising this money? Working two jobs I can barely do groceries monthly. Sad smile

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